Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dead Hearts

I keep forgetting that I don't live on a sprawling estate of 100+ acres and that I'm not entitled to have the woods as my private photo studio. Today, a group of elderly women stopped and asked my mother (who was sitting in her car on the outskirts of the forest) what I was doing. Their conversation went down like this:

"Oh my, isn't that young girl freezing? Do you know what's going on? Is this going to be in a movie?"
Not exactly. She's just taking pictures.
"Really? Of what?"
"Oh... I see. Is it for a class?"
No. Just for her.
"That's very interesting. I think you should tell her to put on a sweater."
I'll be sure to do that.

End scene.

And now you know where I get my enviable social skills. While I'm flattered that the women thought that I was some kind of local movie star... I have to bare in mind that they were at least seventy years old and with my luck they probably thought that I was shooting a scene from "The Blair Witch Project." There were presumably a lot of awkward pauses and uncomfortable glances shared between both parties so it was probably fortunate that I wasn't there. Oh the life of an artist. So tortured. So misunderstood.

Over the course of the year, I've accumulated a lot of runs in my tights. Virtually ever single pair of stockings I own contain at least one hole. I've been dubbed the Asian Taylor Momsen of Pennsylvania and we're not talking Cindy Lou Who.

The past two days I've been lying in my bed doing absolutely nothing. I try to get up and leave, but my bed's all like ""No one's ever gonna love you more than I do. STAY WITH ME, I'LL PROVIDE YOU WITH WARMTH AND COMFORT" and so I'm compelled to climb back in. It's a vicious cycle. Though this time I had an excuse. After school on Monday the doctor diagnosed me with having a kidney stone. Instead of doing anything productive, i.e start my English essay... I made my Christmas list.

1. Starry Night Knee-Socks
2. Heavy Rain
3. Instax-Mini
4. Dreamy Focus Lens
5. Peter Pan Collar Necklace
6. Bambi Sweater
7. Studded Heart Bag
8. Bunny Ring
9. Double Bird Ring
10. PS3
11. Missed Connections

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Golden Baby

I'm going to save you all the arbitrary details and cut right to the chase. In short, my life has been taken over by the monstrosity known as every high schooler's worst nightmare, the SAT. Normally I'm not one to stress over tests because school has shown me that "winging it" is not only an art form, but a way of life. Unfortunately though, as I need a 2100 to get accepted into essentially any college I'd want to apply to... I'm going to have to reacquaint myself with the two subjects that I've grown to hate. Meet Algebra and Grammar. So for the next month I'll be taking up permanent residency at my local library and eating nothing but nutrigrain bars and green tea. The only good that's come out of this pre-college anxiety is that I think I finally know what I want to do with my life. I'm planning on majoring in Public Relations and taking up either Journalism or Marketing as my minor.

If we were playing word association games just by looking at these pictures, the two words that come to mind would be 1. gypsy 2. skank. That's completely okay. I take your comments in stride. The skirt was only seven dollars at goodwill. When presented with a price that contains only one value place, I'm sold. Apart from my goodwill hauls, my wallet's been taking quite a beating. I finally convinced my parents to take the perilous trek up to the mall, so I could do my last minute Christmas shopping. I believe that after today Mariah Carey's voice has been permanently embedded into my brain from having listened to "All I want for Christmas" for what seems to be the 100th time today... Other than that, the mall wasn't too unbearable.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Let's Dance to Joy Division

This week has contained nothing but copious amounts of stress. It's now November, which means it's the end of the first marking period. The end of the first marking period translates to only one thing for me and that's "holy shit". Various forms of the f bomb occasionally get thrown in the mixture depending on how creative I'm feeling that day. I take on the appearance and mannerisms of Gollum. If you were to ever pass me in the halls, you'd see a little angry sleep deprived Asian girl mumbling foul words under her breath. See stress this is what you do to me...

In other exciting events in my life, I contracted an eye infection. Meaning I couldn't wear my contacts all week. And because I wouldn't dream of wearing my glasses in public and would rather fumble haplessly around the school... That's exactly what I did. This proved to be a win-lose situation.

Win: I had a viable excuse for ignoring people in the hallway. If I can't differentiate between the faces of my friends and my eighty year old history teacher, then how am I supposed to acknowledge you in the halls?

Lose: I was accused of being either a. drunk, or b. just plain stupid. If on the odd chance someone would in fact try to talk to me. I would have to get extremely and uncomfortably close to their face, just so I could identify whom I was speaking with.

Lose: The process of copying board notes was next to impossible.

Lose: My lack of vision combined with my non-existent coordination = frequent and embarrassing collisions in the stairwell.

Also last week was my schools annual ~Pep Rally~. Cue the confetti and school spirit. I have really nothing to say about that other than it was really loud and awful. One of the kids in my class brought heavy duty sound blocking (I'm a construction worker) type headphones and his Nintendo DS. Honestly I think he had the right idea.

I leave you with a hipper than hip downloadable playlist.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Colors Festival

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending one of my close friend's birthday party. Now as I am normally a social piranha and run the opposite direction upon hearing the words "party" and "people", I wasn't really sure what to expect. There was a disclaimer at the top on the invitation. It read "wear clothing that you can get dirty." Because my mind is always in the glutter and I have the ability to see sexual innuendos in virtually anything... My curiosity had been peaked. I wore my shirt I had made for the Harry Potter premier (stop judging me) and a pair of plain red sport shorts. The entire party itself was incredibly fun and convinced me that it is actually okay to leave your house every so often. I've made a mental note that I need to improve my ~mingling~ skills. My small talking capacity is that of a vegetable. Put me in a room full of little kids and I can talk about fluffy kittens, rainbows, and lollipops until my mouth falls off. Put me in a room full of teenagers and I immediately collapse into a puddle of lifeless goo. The best part of the party was the ending. During the last hour we were all rounded up to go outside. We were then handed plastic bags that were filled with "color" (think heavily saturated pixie stick powder). From that point on I guess you could say it was every man for themselves, which explains why it looks as if a scene kid just threw up on me. See video above. I have never taken a more colorful shower in my life.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Paint It Golden

One of the best feelings in the world: "When you're congested as f**k and then suddenly your nostrils open up."

Never has a statement been more accurate. For the past week or so I've been terribly sick and run down. Every time I spoke I sounded like a mixture of dying farm animals and a garbage disposal. As for my looks, if I had been born thirty years earlier, been blessed with good rhythm and the ability to dance... I could have easily been an extra in Thriller. Thankfully though I have started to get better. Never underestimate the power of green tea.

During that period where I was confined to my bed... I managed to get A LOT of Pokémon time in. Before you scoff and shake your head I want to clarify that I am NOT this girl. Familiarize yourself with the meme "Idiot Nerd Girl" because that stereotype along with "Annoying Facebook Girl" are my all time pet peeves. Fortunately for me my school is full of these people, thus giving me prime opportunities to perfect my death glare.


Eat Your Heart Out


Dragging Your Feet In The Mud

The lack of luster is this post has been noted. I'm going to be 100% honest here when I say that I almost forgot about my previous promise. I may even put up another one this weekend to make up for this shitastic entry.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Love Child

I really contemplated starting this post out with "IT'S BEEN A WHILE", as that seems to be my go to phrase lately, but I thought that I should conjure up a bit more originality. Sorry for my "basically" month long absence. It's evident that I lack the ability to stick to commitments. I have appointed myself Queen of Procrastination/Excuse-land. In a feeble attempt to regulate steady blog posts, I've decided to systematically schedule my entries. You heard it here first folks... I hereby promise that every Wednesday I will update you with the rambling boring nonsense that is my life.

To put it simply, I love Zooey Deschanel. I know what you're thinking, "OKAY LEAH, just hop on the hipster bandwagon you little try hard asshole." Okay fair enough, but once you watch the New Girl you'll see why this claim is totally justifiable. Her character "Jess" is essentially the same as Summer (500 Days of Summer). They both retain the same style, appearance, and general personality. The only difference is that Jess is slightly more eccentric and vulnerable, whereas Summer turned out to be a massive bitch. Because I fail at the art of persuasion, this paragraph probably did nothing to convince you that Zooey Deschanel is "positively perfect in every way" and that New Girl is a show you should consider watching. Which is why you should read this. It probably also doesn't hurt that the theme song is ridiculously catchy and upon hearing it you will want to skip down your driveway and whistle. You can watch the first two episodes here, and here.

I find this picture hilarious because to me it looks like one of those cheesy school photos that you take at the beginning of each year. The picture with "Paris in the spring time", "Fall Harvest", or "Tropical Breeze" as options for the backdrop. The picture that your parents hang up on their refrigerator and then proceed to mail a copy to every one of your relatives, distant included.

These Floral Doc Martens embody the 60's era to a T. I feel like I should start wearing bell bottoms and peasant shirts, and start growing my hair down to my knees. When I wear these shoes, you can do no wrong because I love everyone. ELE.

Shameless self promotion time!!1 If you guys haven't already seen the video linking you to my new twitter account you can re-follow me, or follow me here.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Raconte-moi une Histoire

As a reward for completing the first week of school unscathed, my friend and I decided to go to Philadelphia. Now outside of exploring the city from a "touristy" perspective, I've never really given it much of a chance. The Constitution Center, The Liberty Bell and Independence Hall are in retrospect all very enjoyable places... if you're a history buff or my parents. I personally am not interested. Maybe this is one of those "coming of age" things and I'll suddenly find myself at age thirty, on a Saturday night sipping wine while watching documentaries on the history channel. My friend Judy and I walked around the quieter more suburban areas of Philadelphia. We went to two thrift stores. One was an AIDS profited charity store, while the other catered to a more pricey and selective clientele. Upon entering the first shop we were offered a free variety pack of condoms. My curiosity almost got the better of me, but I politely declined. I mean I heard condoms only have a shelf life of a couple years and at my impressive total of zero sexual partners I didn't think I'd be needing them anytime soon. I bought the two sweaters pictured below along with two blouses, a cardigan, and a purse. All under fifty dollars. I'm rubbing my frugality in your face and I apologize.

I didn't buy this shirt, but I was tempted. I wanted to attach pom poms at each point, and debut as an elf for Halloween.
In other news I got a job as a hostess at a Chinese restaurant. I have to work with what I have, and in that case it's being Asian. That and having personal relations with the family that owns the restaurant. Also this weekend I had my first personal experience with a stalker. It was flattering, but I'm still slightly creeped out.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Wet Cement

Dear Summer,
I hope you know that you're an asshole for leaving me. Or maybe I'm just an idiot for taking you back (not that it's much of a choice anyway). This happens EVERY SINGLE YEAR. You show up uninvited in June, and then leave just like that come September. You're a selfish individual, but you don't need to do this. Just think of all the good times we've shared the past three months. The late nights followed by waking up at noon, the countless beach trips, and the infinite amount of hours we spent just lazing around. Did that mean anything to you? I wasn't even planning on returning to school this year. You promised permanent residency in a seaside cottage. Just you and me. No work, no school, no responsibility. I was perfectly happy knowing that I was going to frolic in fields and bob in oceans for the rest of my blissful existence, but I can feel things changing. The days are getting shorter, and the air's grows chillier each day. You lied. You're a pathetic excuse for a season. I can't believe I fooled myself into thinking that I could formulate a civil relationship with you. You're lazy and unreliable. It would have never worked out. Now as I patiently await your return I'll be hanging around Fall, Winter, and Spring. You won't be missed. I hope you're miserable.
Most unwarmly,

Now there's an angsty breakup letter I never had the pleasure of writing. I've personally never been screwed over THAT bad, but this isn't about me. It's about you. More importantly it's about ME helping YOU combat your post-summer depression.

Things I hope will raise your happiness meter (even if it's only a fraction):

Youtube - maps, How To: Wake Children Up Pleasantly, Duet With Myself, OMG you look SO hot, 100 YEARS / STYLE / EAST LONDON, Puppy wants Pizza!, LOLcats, the travelers., The TV Theme Medley, AUDREY TAUTOU SCREEN TEST AMELIE SUBTITLES

Vimeo - I'm Comic Sans, Asshole, Too much candy, Foolishly Seeking True Love, MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON, GOOGLE STREET VIEW

8tracks - broken drums and tambourines , Songs That Make You Turn The Volume Knob Clockwise , Secrets from the wind

If it's any consolation, seeing what everyone's going to wear on the first day of school's always fun. Coming into my 11th year of schooling, I've seen my fair share of first day outfits; some more memorable than others... Everybody's so eager to make a good first impression. They all want to show off their new clothing and haircuts. I think everyone secretly hopes that over the summer they've undergone a miraculous transformation so that once they return to school people will start treating them with respect and new found appreciation. At least that's what I delude myself into thinking, but I could be just over-analyzing things...
I've already had the pleasure of starting school so this Tuesday won't nearly be as awkward and uncomfortable. Okay yes it will be, BUT I'll be fully prepared. For everyone else starting this week, I wish you godspeed.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Summer Wars

I'll give you some time to catch your breath. You must have fallen off your chair when you saw that I uploaded yet another blog post. We're nearing the end of August and all I have to show for it is seven measly blog entries. I know when I first started this blog I had promised three posts a week... and we can all see how well that turned out. Role playing 101. I'll be the workaholic and neglectful parent, and you can play the role of the attention craving child. My job will require me to go on long and frequent business trips. I'll leave you for weeks on end. It'll leave you wondering if I even care about you at all. When I finally return I'll be sincere and apologetic. I'll shower you with lavish gifts and presents. We'll reminisce and catch up. I'll marvel at how much taller you've grown and remark that you're growing into a fine and mature individual. We'll become inseparable, but one day you'll wake up and I'll be gone. You'll feel disappointed and let down, but in the end you'll know I'll always be back. And that was my childhood summed up in a paragraph. Just kidding. My mother's too overbearing for something like that to ever occur. I'll be the first to admit that I'm just really lazy and unmotivated. I'm running out of topics here! Soon all this blog's going to be is me talking about my life "IN DEPTH" and all my problems.
Day 236; I got a splinter in wood shop and had a lettuce and turkey sandwich.
OH GOD. We really can't have that.
The weekend before school starts the entire east coast goes on "red alert" on hurricane watch. Fantastic. As of late I feel like my home has transformed into a super market. My mother, paranoid as she is had our family run out and purchase enough food and water supply to last us at least a year. To show my appreciation for anyone that reads this blog I can have a trail mix / dried berry giveaway. I'll even throw in a bonus 12 oz water bottle. There are no limits to my generosity. If I cross my fingers perhaps they'll postpone school til Tuesday. Even if that would mean me losing my power... and more importantly my internet connection. Perish the thought. Hopefully my house survives. I don't want a Wizard of Oz reenactment.
Things I will be doing when my power goes out
1. Playing Sims3
2. Finish reading "When You Are Engulfed in Flames"
3. Practicing guitar
4. Finishing Daria (all seasons)
5. Clean my room
6. Watch Requiem for a Dream

Previous questions
1. Where is your swan shirt from? ; H&M
2. What kind of Doc Martens do you have? ; Nappa Black size 4 UK/6 US
3. Do you have hair extensions? ; Yes. Clip in shit ones. Buy them at Sally's beauty for 10 dollars.

ps. my dad finds this skirt highly offensive and inappropriate.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Panda Coffee

This time I come bearing music. Last night I went on one hefty downloading spree thus increasing my iTunes library by at least thirty percent. I just recently discovered the beauty and sheer genius that is utorrent. This experience for me is almost equivalent to a blind man being able to see again (perhaps not as dramatic, but you get the point). It's opened so many doors. The only thing that could possibly hinder my "new found hobby" would be my moral compass which fortunately for me isn't properly aligned. Hell's going to be awesome. You can download the playlist; here.
The past couple days have been pretty uneventful (consistent with how my entire summer's been going). I'm trying to cram in the final chapters of my summer reading. School starts in four days and I have twelve chapters to go. It's a good thing I didn't put this off or anything... I'm listening to the book on audio which helps a little even though the book itself is drier than the Sahara Desert. I may or may not have fallen asleep during a few chapters. I fell asleep in the early 1800's and when I woke they were talking about Lincoln's assassination. Big deal if I missed a couple decades. Time's all relative anyway!

the mall pretzels from rachelchew on Vimeo.

This post lacked some serious substance. Sorry. I just wanted an excuse to show you guys my panda purse and give you yet another example of why you find me narcissistic and self absorbed. I have low self esteem I swear. This Sunday I'm going to bake soft pretzels, gain fifty pounds and go through a mini mid life crisis. I encourage that you do the same.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Reverse Robinhood - Thrifting 101

This post is a clear indicative that I have become a sell out. I've tried my best to fight off this serious disease but I have finally fallen ill to the hipster pandemic. After coming across this video made by StrummingSally, Pennsylvania's very own "thrifting connoisseur" I was inspired to do a little of my own secondhand shopping. My parents seemed fairly put off at my my request to drive me to Goodwill. They were all like "oh yeah Leah remind me while you're there that I need to go pickup this weeks food stamps" Ha. Good one. After much convincing my father drove me over to our local Goodwill. Apart from dropping things off, I have never actually been inside a charity shop. I'm pretty sure that a couple years ago I would have found the idea of wearing somebody else's used clothing revolting. Let's just say that between now and then I've become more open minded and that upon entering high school my hygienic standards have decreased significantly.

I came in with reasonably low standards. I'm not sure as to what I had envisioned but I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome. The store was moderately large in size and was evenly stocked. There was a home good section, children's department, and of course a men and women's. I was hoping that I'd find an old camera, but no such luck. They did however have a pretty impressive record collection. I figured that I'd save that for another trip and started looking for clothing. After scouring the racks I found a t-shirt, sweater, leather purse, and a velvet skirt. The velvet skirt's a work in progress by the way. I'm taking it to get hemmed this Wednesday. I'm not planning to move out to Lancaster with the Amish just yet... I was feeling most proud of myself when the sales lady told me that all my items came to a total of $13.49. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I want to find ways in which I can work my thriftiness into a casual conversation: "Guess just guess how much my sweater cost. I bet you can't. Okay I'll tell you... $3.50 ARE YOU IMPRESSED YET?" Knowing how cheap I am I'm surprised I didn't discover this gold mine sooner. If this post inspired anyone to channel their inner penny pitcher you can find your local goodwill here.

- Happy thrifting

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Black Swan

And so the countdown begins. Exactly seven days from Monday I will be in school. Exactly seven days from tonight I will be contemplating creative ways I can contract a severe imaginary disease prohibiting me from ever leaving my bedroom. I received my schedule Wednesday. You know what I love? Being the first to show up to a class and then having the pleasure of praying someone you know walks through the door. Wait... I stand corrected *praying someone you "LIKE, and can TOLERATE" walks through the door because there's honestly nothing worse than being stuck in a room full of people you despise (the story of my life).
I'm going to sound like a major asshole, but I've broken it down into the types of people I cannot stand to be in a class with
  • That kid who asks numerous times to have the instructions repeated
  • That kid who needs an additional five minutes to copy down what's on the board
  • That "know-it-all" kid who smugly raises their hand for every question and then does a silent cheer when they get the answer right
  • That kid who asks "aren't you going to check our homework" because they're the only kid that completed the assignment
  • That kid who doesn't do any work during group projects
Just thinking about this raises my blood pressure. The idea of having to see all the people I so successfully avoided all summer five days a week, makes me reconsider taking an anger management class. Why can't you rage quit life...
On the flip side, I went shopping with my friends yesterday and I now know what I'm wearing on the first day of school. I find that the mornings are a lot less stressful when you plan ahead because the days I blindly choose my outfits also tend to be the most humiliating. Coincidence? I think not. I woke up one morning five minutes prior to the time I was supposed to be leaving the house. In a quick haste I threw on a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt. Which in retrospect doesn't sound too bad. It's no fashion statement, but hardly an outfit I would be embarrassed of. I failed to notice that the shorts had a gaping hole in the crotch area. I looked like a homeless prostitute. So the moral of that story kids is if you end up procrastinating your wardrobe choices you'll find yourself questioning why people are offering to buy you lunch or asking you if you're experiencing "any problems at home".

A Love Story… In Milk from Catsnake on Vimeo.

After all that angst I feel like I should make it up to you with this overly cheery and cute video. Kind of...

Monday, August 15, 2011


This year's going to be different. This year I strive for straight A's. This year I will stop all procrastination nonsense. This year I will be friendly and approachable. This year I will say hi when I see people in the hallways. This year I will be organized and put together. Freshmen will pass me in the halls and look at me with gobsmacked awe "just who is that extremely poised and sophisticated young woman" they'll wonder, and people will reply "Oh that's Leah she's really going places. I mean have you seen her color coordinated subject binder?" I'm going to be "that kid". The kid you all envy because you can't possibly compete with their perfect academic performance. "I've graded your physics tests and I must say I'm quite disappointed. While the majority of you failed this exam, one student managed to score a 100%". The teacher will then proceed to shoot me a knowing look that acknowledges my scholarly excellence. My peers however will shoot me icy death glares, hoping that that will wipe the smug smile off my face. Hey nobody ever said that being a proclaimed genius was easy.

This is as personal as it gets. I just let you in on my most secret hopes and dreams. The image I painted for you is quite different from the disturbing and unglamorous reality that is my life. Everyday I trudge into school half awake and dressed most inappropriately. Sometime after first period my eyesight fully adjusts so that when I look into the mirror I'm hit by my glaring wardrobe choices. I.E; Inside out clothing, mixed matched socks, uneven shirt buttoning... you catch my drift. I show up to every class red faced, extremely out of breath and every so often I'll start wheezing and clutching my throat. From an outsiders perspective one may think that I was experiencing an asthma attack, but no these are just the inconvenient effects of A. Being extremely out of shape, and B. Having no concept of time management. My sunny disposition is close to nonexistent. I have never in my life been described as having a warm personality. In fact most people often compare me to the arctic circle, as we're both frigid and most unfriendly to anything living. On the rare occasion I'll go out of my way to make friends and be sociable, but it just feels so... wrong. As far as my academics and studying habits go just travel through my previous blog entries.
I really could try revamping my entire personality and transforming my slacker ways but I'm already in too deep. I have college for that, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

On the topic of school... I'm in the need of a new backpack. For the past years all I've been using is a shoulder tote and quite frankly this year that's not going to cut it. If someone could lend me six hundred dollars I'd be more than happy to sign a contract promising you seven years of indentured servitude.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I present my one part series entitled "Fun times in Miami", in replace of some cheesy tropical postcard decked with Hibiscus flowers, and palm trees. Now I enjoy the beach just as much as the next person, but I prefer admiring it from a far. (Note that this philosophy also pertains to people) There's too much sand. Every time I take a shower I look down at the drain, and it's as if I brought the entire beach with me. I could start charging people to visit my personal island. Location; my bathroom. While I'm in Miami my inner materialistic gremlin makes its seasonal debut. I somehow forget that the beautiful lace blouse with its peter pan collar will end up costing me seven hours of work. I somehow forget that even thought I have already purchased three dresses this summer, I buy another one anyway (despite the fact that it looks strikingly similar to the one collecting dust in my closet). Miami's home to the rich, and the richer. You're competing with the Joneses, and everybody else. My family and I walked up to the infamous "Bal Harbour". With stores like Louis Vuitton, Miu Miu, Dolce Gabbana, Prada I try my best to look unfazed when I see price tags in the quadruple digits. Despite all my moaning, groaning, and "white people problems" I really am dreading our departure. A week free of work, and real life social encounters it's basically my dream come to life.

I watched Submarine a couple weeks ago, and it really re-enforced my interest in British culture. There's just something about British humor that's so very different from what I'm accustomed to. The movie itself was very strange, but captivating at the same time. The story line, like many other "teenage romance" films focuses around a socially awkward boy who falls in love with a quirky (also interchangeable with bitchy) girl. You can download the movie here. I want to know what you thought about it because I for one am still very confused.